The struggling thoughts at 3 AM
The time was 3 AM, but none of her friends were so. The hour was quiet and peaceful but her mind wasn't. The moment was new, optimistic and freshly-picked from a pristine day unlike her life. She tossed in her bed, sleeplessly. She was in the inescapable clutches of helplessness. An inevitable chaos had captured her mind.The teen wanted to experience being over joyed but the desire had remain confide in the fact that she had responsibilities. Those responsibilities which had become a cage containing joyous feelings and prohibiting them to reach the girl. She had tried her best but couldn't reach her goal. she was stuck in a pointless struggle to satisfy others and fulfill the social obligations.
Faith was gradually departing , confidence had held it's hand telling her that they won't be there for long. English Literature was her only passion, her only cause of survival, but it too didn't show signs of permanent residing with her. She couldn't figure out which one has let down whom that their separation had gained a probability. She wanted to tether English and then, pray to it from dusk to dawn.
The Might of meaningful words was not ready for a union with her but appealed her to live for itself. "Oh! My worshiper." It would say, "Hold On, for victorious you shall be. If only you could see that the struggle is thrown your way to make you capable."It left her pinning every now and then, but It still made her take the breath for life every second that actually suffocated the inner her to unbearable pain.
She wish to thank many, wanted kill some and desired the presence of others. Being a teen, she had her mood swings but here too comfort wasn't an option. The only way out was to over rule them as they were doing over her, all this while. But the girl wasn't even at peace with herself, from where was she expected to get the enough strength to over rule the things who were controlling her then?
It was just a phase of time, she hoped but even if it was it had to end rapidly for any more of it would leave her lifeless. Reflecting on her inner self she knew she wasn't who she wanted to be. But she lacked power, the power to change, the power to fight the battle and that to survive, itself!
But, her love for English ambitions more than her affection for any other being, hung her right between the desire to end her everything and the need to stand a bit more taller.
Letting the one she worshiped take the control, she twirled in her bed again, restlessly, deciding to hold on for some more of the time.
Faith was gradually departing , confidence had held it's hand telling her that they won't be there for long. English Literature was her only passion, her only cause of survival, but it too didn't show signs of permanent residing with her. She couldn't figure out which one has let down whom that their separation had gained a probability. She wanted to tether English and then, pray to it from dusk to dawn.
The Might of meaningful words was not ready for a union with her but appealed her to live for itself. "Oh! My worshiper." It would say, "Hold On, for victorious you shall be. If only you could see that the struggle is thrown your way to make you capable."It left her pinning every now and then, but It still made her take the breath for life every second that actually suffocated the inner her to unbearable pain.
She wish to thank many, wanted kill some and desired the presence of others. Being a teen, she had her mood swings but here too comfort wasn't an option. The only way out was to over rule them as they were doing over her, all this while. But the girl wasn't even at peace with herself, from where was she expected to get the enough strength to over rule the things who were controlling her then?
It was just a phase of time, she hoped but even if it was it had to end rapidly for any more of it would leave her lifeless. Reflecting on her inner self she knew she wasn't who she wanted to be. But she lacked power, the power to change, the power to fight the battle and that to survive, itself!
But, her love for English ambitions more than her affection for any other being, hung her right between the desire to end her everything and the need to stand a bit more taller.
Letting the one she worshiped take the control, she twirled in her bed again, restlessly, deciding to hold on for some more of the time.
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